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[personal profile] icassop
Time for a rant again.

I'm a little - no, make that a lot - frustrated and pissed. I honestly like my life right now the way it is. Sure, I don't make a lot of money, I also still live with my parents and I don't have a significant other. But I don't mind not having much money. I don't buy a lot anyway. Only my manga, computer stuff, books in general, food and clothes (I only buy new stuff maybe once a year or even less). Living with my parents really isn't so bad. I don't pay rent (hence very convenient with me not earning a lot) and I basically live in my own flat (third floor with toilet and my parents never come upstairs). And the issue with a significant other? Well, sometimes I think it'd be nice but I'm good without one, too.

So what exactly is the problem?

The problem is that ppl keep getting on my case to find a better job (or proper work in general), to go back to university or to start an internship. Also, since coming back from my cousin's wedding in Italy, it seems like everyone's telling me that my deadline's approaching and I HAVE to find a man now or I'll be rotting in the corner in the next few years, becoming old, depressed and grumpy i.e. a social outcast. It's as if ppl believe that I'm not happy with my life. Who the fuck are they to tell me how happy or unhappy I am?!

So, social pressure has made me decide on going back to university to study computer science with focus media. Thing is, I only found this particular field in the last few days but the deadline for the application is next fucking Monday. Great. Now you may think that it's my own fault for not looking earlier. Maybe it is but if you want to know, only barely two weeks ago I was dead set on doing a paid internship for three years with a company but something a friend said made me change my decision. And what the fuck is wrong with taking a bit more time to think over choices for your fucking future?

What pisses me off a lot about all this is how life is so fucking fast now. Everything must be harder, better, faster, stronger (just to quote Daft Punk). It's like Moore's Law for technology: New inventions are made faster and each time they're also several times better than the previous generation (take the iPod f.ex.). Life doesn't feel that much different. You only have to replace "inventions" with "steps in life" and not they get better but the stress levels gets higher. Everything is so fucking hectic in life. You never get a moment to breathe because behind you the train of life is coming directly towards with such speed that you either have to jump off to the side and be left behind, or jump onto the train and hang on for dear life.
You're walking in a crowd of people. They all follow the path layed out by society. With time, their walk gets brisker, quicker. You want to keep up, you try your damnedest to hold your step. But one stumble and you're off the rhythm. Ppl from behind just carelessly keep pushing you forward but you never can get into step again. Not only that, you can't get out off the stream of ppl either. You're floundering and struggling, trying your best not to fall under others. An let's not forget that each person has burdens that the state, government or other social conventions put on you to carry on top. Some have more, some have less. You've already lost your footing and you still have to balance the bundle on your head. I ask you: How?

Well, back to some less abstract things.
Even though I'm applying at university now, I'm not even sure if I get in because this field has a numerus clausus and I'm 0.1 below it -.- Also, this would make it my second degree and for ppl like me, there are only 4% of places at university left. There are also criterias that I have to fulfill to get a better ranking among all applicants for a second degree. My chances to get an OK are looking pretty tiny at this stage.

Something funny(?) for last:
In Italy, my relatives kept asking why we (my siblings and me) didn't have a bf/gf yet. So my cousin said that there was a guy he could introduce to me. (Why me? Because it seems like I'm absolutely incapable of finding a guy on my own -.- Thank you for the vote of confidence... /sarcasm) After coming back home and friending my cousin on fb, another friend request promptly came from said guy. FML.
Two weeks later. My mom was skyping with my aunt in Switzerland. She invited my sis and me specifically over to her house to stay and "vacation" there. I say "vacation" because "vacation" = hooking us up with some guys she knows.

This is now getting quite ridiculous. I think if we still practised arranged marriages, my relatives would have a field day, sending out our marriage proposal portraits to others *facepalm*

Whale oil beef hooked. /irish accent

Date: 2013-07-11 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mantou-chan.livejournal.com
I feel for you my dear friend. Being different is hard in the world where we have to conform to majority. I too were(or still depends on situations) pressured to live up to how most people on my age supposed to do(having a bf or a steady job or further my study or take a course with intention of using it to get a job or open small business).

I do hope that you find your way amidst the social conformity currents*hugs*.


Date: 2013-07-12 09:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icassop.livejournal.com
Thanks for your comment. I can only wish you the best, too. Hopefully, I can find my place, or I'll just say "Fuck it all!" and go live somewhere in the woods in a remote part of the world xD It really doesn't sound so bad to be away from all the crap.


Date: 2013-07-12 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jukebox-csi.livejournal.com
I hate to hear your having these kinds of problems and totally understand. This is easier said than done, but try to let it roll off your back. Those same people questioning you about finding a bf/gf, will be the same ones that will then pester you for the following (in this order):

1. When are you getting married {to said significant other}
2. When are you going to get pregnant (starts after the marriage thing)
3. When are you going to have another child (starts after having first child)

It never ends - they are never happy until you've met all these points so that they can then ask you the next point.

If you are happy with your life, then forget what they say or what they imply or what they disapprovingly note and just enjoy your life. In the end, the only person you need to please is yourself.

Date: 2013-07-12 09:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icassop.livejournal.com
You're so right. Sometimes I forget that it's my own life and not somebody else's to command. It just is annoying over time when ppl keep nagging. Luckily though, all my relatives live far away.

I'll try to take it easier. I should. I've noticed with horror that my hair's turning grey already ._.

Thanks for your comment. *hugs*


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