Impatience

Sep. 5th, 2016 02:37 am
icassop: (Default)
...and no endurance.

As I write this post, I'm watching a tumblr artist draw in a live stream. What I've learnt from watching is that I personally am a very impatient drawer. I'm not a bad drawer, I have an eye for detail, I'd also like to say that I have some base skill. But I could be better. Much better if only I actually practised. However, I don't. Why? I ask that myself all the time, and I keep telling myself I will start drawing something every day starting the next day. Just ten minutes every day. That's not too much to ask, is it?

It is... at least for me. I want instant success, I want it to look good but I don't have the patience. In my head, I know that I won't turn out masterpieces on the first try. Not even on the second or the third. But when it doesn't look good, I stop and re-doing isn't an option because I'm frustrated and fed up with my own drawing. I really have no endurance to look at my own work.

Now that I'm watching this artist though, I should keep at drawing even when I hate the drawing. I watched her redraw a hand for a good 5-10 minutes until she was satisfied with it. And she also erases and redraws lines quite often. It really shouldn't come as a surprise but actually seeing other people struggling with the same problems is extremely different from just hearing it said. And that goes for a lot of things.

I guess I feel inspired. Hopefully this inspiration will continue at least until tomorrow because it's really late and I'm tired.
icassop: (Default)

Uh... *cough* ...I've started playing Pokémon Go.

>_<;

I jumped on the hype train. Wait, no. It's not a fucking hype train. It's an ode to nostalgia, to my child--- teenhood (is that a word?). I remember watching Pokémon season 1 on TV with my younger brother, and it was probably one of the most impressive things I had seen since Star Wars (and all the other anime like Dragonball, Sailormoon, etc. ... so not really impressive compared to them... but it was unique!). You go on an adventure, catch quasi-animals, train them, do battle with them and become their very best friends: a true calling for the hunter-gatherer in us humans.

So here I am. Catching pokémon at home because I don't have a mobile data plan (the only reason I'm not addicted yet). Funny enough though, in the first 24 hours since I started playing I caught 9 pokémon basically from my bed XD  But bless my city, they have free wifi downtown, so I will try and go there after work and when it's less hot outside. Because remember, kids: work before play and don't forget sunscreen. Also watch out for cars o_ô

Happy hunting for those who do, and those who don't, just let them have fun. What's better than seeing people looking this happy when they catch a pokémon:

icassop: (Default)
For the last two weeks I've been working non-stop, through weekends, too. It's a never-ending cycle. A bit repetitive, too, like that Rihanna song "Work". (Lyrics nowadays are stupid dumb shit.) Today I also got my first official employment contract which I've only skimmed so far. But from what I can see, I'm not liking it.

You might wonder why it's only my first contract. Haven't I been working for a few years? I have, but it is more of a pseudo-freelance half-employed thing? I get paid by the hour and I also get the benefits of health insurance, pension scheme, unemployment insurance etc., however, no paid vacation or sick leave. Basically, if I don't work, I don't get paid (whether it's because there is no work, or because I'm sick or I'm gone on vacation), but at least I don't have to pay health insurance and I can put a (very) little something into my pension.

So this contract is making me think very hard about my current work and, consequently, my financial situation. At first, it sounds really nice to have a fixed salary every month even when there's not much work but what made me pause is this tidbit about working through weekends, holidays and other overtime work - unpaid. (It happens a lot.) Obviously, I need to dust off my maths skills and calculate the difference but the thought of working without getting paid sounds like, well, bullshit to me. Who wants that?

My work philosophy is (or has been?) to work as little as possible and to keep as much free time for myself and for the things that I WANT to do. However, am I wrong to think like that? To want to have time for myself? Working all the time even with getting paid for it, I don't know if that's the life I want to live. Living to work =/= working to live. I would very welcome the unconditional basic income. (And don't we need that at some point when robots and machines take over almost all work from humans?) That would actually allow me to work by my philosophy. But right now, that is not feasible. And it brings me to this point: money.

At the moment - and I'm not ashamed to say this - I still live (or rather again, since I did move out for a prolonged time for my studies) with my parents, rent-free. Mostly because I still had to pay off my student loan debts and also, because I don't like big cities with the constant sounds of cars and people, and too many people. But my loans are now finally paid off (YAY) and I was thinking of moving out. But moving costs money, my own flat would cost a lot of money. Not only the rent, but also furniture, electricity, water, internet, TV license (no kidding, fucking useless fee imo) and other stuff. The thing is, I don't think either work situations (my current or with the contract) would be able to support me living on my own comfortably, especially anywhere in the close vicinity to my workplace. It reminds me of my sister's friend who showed us her place in LA where she was studying. A bare mattress on the floor, her suitcase as a desk and cardboard boxes for storage. Nothing else in the flat. That's how I would possibly live if I moved out...

It's always about money and that's something I don't always like to think about. I feel like if I had a definite purpose or goal in my life, it would be easier for me not to feel overwhelmed by this. I could just work towards that goal. But I've also learnt that you don't need a goal in life, especially when you're trying to be happy.

Being an adult is so hard =(  and I've been adulting for many years already... I still don't feel ready .___.
But then again, most people just wing it =/ 
icassop: (Default)
Soooo... I've haven't written anything here in a while.
But first, Happy New Year, everyone! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

My two brothers and sister were here over the holidays, hence why I've been busy. Let me recount what I've been doing over the past week: Christmas cookies baking marathon from noon till 3 AM in the morning -.- (walnut-marzipan pieces, cinnamon-nuts pieces, earl-grey cookies shaped as cats and teapots lol, coconut macaroons and peanutbutter-chocolate chunks), visiting some good family friends and giving them cookies (hence the baking marathon...), church, watching movies, watching TV shows, watching movies, eating a lot, playing music with my sister, eating, watching movies, etc.

I really did watch a bunch of stuff o_O;
Movies: Edge of Tomorrow (9/10), Boyhood (8/10), The Emperor's New Groove (7.5/10), Oblivion (7/10), Frankenweenie (7/10), The Interview (5.5/10), Don Jon (7.5/10), Only Lovers Left Alive (7/10), How To Train Your Dragon 2 (7/10), Mary and Max (8/10), Monster Uni (6/10), Kotonoha no Niwa (7/10), Saint Oniisan: The Movie (6.5/10)
TV: Marco Polo (8.5/10), Mushishi Zoku Shou (10/10), Natsume Yuujinchou: Itsuka Yuki no Hi ni (8.5/10)

Stuff that I didn't have time to do:
scanlating for GOOC and Entropy, reading my Calvin & Hobbes collection, reading manga, drawing on my tablet, finishing knitting my skirt, starting knitting a sweater..., continuing watching Breaking Bad, working out, sleeping in... building sth with snow (too fluffy at first and now it's just brown sludge -.-)

Watching movies with other ppl is just more fun. Somehow, I always feel like it's a waste for me to go downstairs and put in a movie to watch on our big TV alone. But I guess I've watched enough to tide me over until next Christmas XD

So that's all really. I hope you all had fun and relaxing days over the holidays.

May 2015 be a great and successful year for everyone!
=)
icassop: (Default)
Because he really needs it... I'm not kidding.

So here's the thing: Yesterday my dad got a letter - a bill, to be precise of over 240€ for allegedly registering at a shopping website (fee for 12 months membership).
I haven't talked to him yet but from what I could find on google, a simple click on their facebook ads will apparently fuck you over like that.

Not too long ago, my sister helped him refute another scam on his mobile phone that charged him 5€ per week(!) because he just clicked on sth.

A few months ago, I had already cancelled another scam on his phone, and guess what? He didn't think anything of the fees that kept getting deducted for weeks!

My dad's not stupid, ok. He's a hard-working, intelligent man but the internet challenges his language skills from time to time. And I know that even you don't stop to read the general terms and conditions, especially not in a language that's not your mothertongue.

Having said that, he's not careful on the internet. At all. His computer is infested with viruses, malware, spyware, trojans and other shit. I already try to regularly clean it up, and I've tried telling him to let anti-virus programs run on a schedule to ensure that his computer will be alright, at least for a while. I've also installed plugins and addons in his browser to give him pointers where he shouldn't click and to protect him from incoming shit. I've told him not to register on any websites that aren't legit. But tbh? Hope's lost. I need to fucking kill his computer and re-install the system to get rid of everything.

...And then my mom tells me not to be so angry and irritated all the time when I have to deal with the aftermath of shit like this.

┻━┻ ︵╰(ಠ益ಠ)╯︵ ┻━┻
icassop: (Default)
I'm not one to cook or bake a lot but in just a few days, I made two things o_O

Apple chips:
Crispy on the outside, juicy and chewy on the inside =)

Banana bread:
I left it in the oven a bit too long but it still turned out very fluffy and juicy in the middle. Very yummy =)


Also I watched the anime film Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki. I was crying 20 minutes in T__T It was a good movie but unfortunately it falls apart in the last 45 minutes =/ I don't think they knew what they should end it with. It seemed disjointed by the end. I would still recommend it though. 3/4 of the movie was very good. It's just the end that was a little bit disappointing. The artwork is fantastic and the animation very fluid, likeable characters. 8/10

Of all Hosoda Mamoru's movies I've watched, I still like Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo the best. Summer Wars unfortunately also disappointed me at the end.


Oh right, I also finished Free ~Eternal Summer~ and Hunter x Hunter (2011). My reviews I wrote for a forum.

Free ~Eternal Summer~
Why? Because why the fuck not XD I've seen the first season and that was uh, underwhelming? Too much focus on their relationships which was very cringeworthy and sappy. This 2nd season, however, was surprisingly good. It actually focused a lot more on swimming. The characters still had their quirks but at least they had legitimate things to worry about which in turn affected their relationships and swimming, thus giving the plot a better development. I have to add though that they went quite overboard with the fan service. Geez, we get that all those pretty boys in half-naked close-ups (mostly in pairs with twinkles in their eyes as they stare at each other *cough*) are great fodder for yaoi fans but jfc, turn that shit down a bit. Even I was embarrassed watching it at times.
It was ok to watch for a high school slice-of-life. 6.5/10

Hunter x Hunter (2011)
Well, this has been a long ride and it was quite enjoyable. For the first dozen or so episodes I had to get used to the happier mood of this reboot. The first series from 1999 felt grittier and darker, which I actually prefer because HxH is pretty damn violent and brutal. It was nice, however, that the pace was faster and they didn't linger too much on the individual arcs with filler eps. What I was most surprised about was the Ant arc because I remember I didn't like that part in the manga at all. Possibly due to the irregular chapter releases back in the days. The anime did a good job with that arc and I even had to shed a tear at the end.
All in all, it was good. We'll see if they're going to adapt the following arc. The manga is on hiatus again and I'm not liking the story so far. It's nice to see Kurapika again but it's weird without Gon or Killua... 7.5/10
icassop: (Default)
Have you ever looked into the mirror and checked your face from all angles? Because I did and holy shit, my profile is ugly as fuck (;゚Д゚)
Nobody should ever see me from the side. It's a horrible sight. I knew my face was flat but wow. Thank god I don't have to look at my ugly mug all the time.

(゚Дº)
icassop: (Default)
I just did the most nerve-wrecking thing in a long time... resizing the partitions on my computer o_o;

When I set up this computer, I didn't think I needed so much space on the C partition. Boy was I wrong... so with barely 3GB left, I had to resize the partitions to take some space from D: to C:.
In case you ever need to expand your C paritition: Windows 7 (and I assume 8) has a partition tool but, unless you have very little data on it, it's not as useful as it sounds at first because taking space from D: will free up space at the end of the partition. But you need to have the free space between C: and D: - ergo at the beginning of D: - to expand the C: drive. Therefore, I used GParted, a neat little tool that lets you move the freed up space between the partitions and increase the size of your desired partition.

But with stuff like this, there's always a huge warning that you may or may not lose data. The whole process took 6-7 hours that I spent reading fics and sleeping lol. After it was done, though, I tried to exit the linux screen and shut down the computer. Well, it froze. That's when I started to panic. I contacted a friend who's a computer technician, who told me that there was no other way than killing it via power button. I did and the computer rebooted as usual until a black screen came up saying that it needed to check the partitions. I knew about that of course but it was nerve-wrecking, watching the percentage slowly reaching 100 and finally giving me the A-OK.

Doing anything technical on my computer is like defusing a fucking bomb. It makes me nervous, sweaty and shaky, short of biting my nails @_@
It worked fine btw and I didn't lose any data. But I hope I don't have to do this shit again. I really don't want to.
icassop: (Default)
I'm starting to think that I have a serious spider problem here...

I just got out of bed, went to the bathroom and pulled at the toilet paper when suddenly a black blur flitted around the toilet paper holder. It was a good thing that I hadn't started my ... business yet. ANYWAY, this fucker actually ended up hiding IN the holder. But to capture it I had to coax it out of its hiding place. After prodding it and the spider scrabbling into random corners, I finally had it under my glass when it made the mistake of running across the floor.

NSFL: captured spider )

Btw the stuff in the glass is the remains of a gel candle. I'm using the glass purely for bug and spider capturing purposes now.

Instead of getting rid of it by window exit, I actually flushed the fucker down the toilet. Because srsly? You don't fucking surprise me like that in the morning when I'm still sleepy-eyed, bitch.
icassop: (Default)
I'm not afraid of spiders, I just find them really nasty and disgusting, much like any kind of spider and insect; and yes, crabs are also kind of disgusting but also delicious.

So yesterday night I was sitting on my bed knitting and waiting for my hair to dry when a big ass spider walked by nonchalantly and just stopped there right in front of me.

Usually I only have Opiliones in my room which have a small round body and long, thin legs. But this one? This one's body was the size of my finger nail with thick legs. Yuck Dx

I needed to get rid of it. Couldn't let it sit there right in front of my bed and having it crawl up into my comforter. I got a transparent glass and trapped it in it. I didn't want to kill it because really, do I want spider juice on my floor? I also accidently ripped off two of its legs in the process... >_>;  Anyway, I fetched a sturdy piece of paper and slipped it underneath the glass to transport it to my window.

Tip: You should always use a see-through glass or cup to watch it. Don't ever lose sight of your enemy ;)
Second tip: Open the window before you transport the spider over.

So with a quick move I slid the glass along the paper to fling the spider away from me; kinda like how you'd light a match.

And that was my nightly visitor and the adventure of how I saved my beauty sleep XD  What had me worried though was that I wasn't sure where it came from and if there were more of them. I hope this was the only one...
icassop: (Default)
The sun is shining AND it's raining. Wonderful! Simply magnificent =D

I actually feel a lot better now after quitting university. I don't know what I'm going to do now but I think I want to finish one of my stories and post them here. Feedback would be nice. If work isn't taking up too much time, I wanna try digital painting again, and I'll also continue programming because that's the only thing that I really really enjoyed a lot (despite being unbearably frustrating at times).

It's good not having to feel like a miserable shit for a change lol
ノ☆
( ¯ー¯·)


EDIT:
Woah, I just noticed that my mood icon indicates sth that I wasn't meaning to o_o;;; I didn't mean Ace-being-dead-peaceful but at-ease-with-oneself-peaceful o_o;;;;
icassop: (Default)
Been having back pains for a few days now because I probably sleep wrongly... I think I need some work outs for my back muscles.

Oh yeah, yesterday, I missed a step, fell down the stairs, tumbled into our bathroom, landed on my back on the floor and bruised my hip and my right foot. Suffice to say, I'm having the worst back aches since forever right now. Way to start the new year -_-

Happy New Year, peeps!
icassop: (Default)
Merry Christmas, happy holidays and a happy New Year, everyone!
Hope you're all doing great these days and got many presents because I didn't D=

Things to look forward to in 2014:
- Sherlock season 3 >0<
- semester break in Feb/Mar
...
Can't remember anything else, and I don't have any resolutions >_>;

Well, see you around next year, too!
(ノゝ∀・)~キラ☆
icassop: (Default)
I haven't posted in 1.5 months?? Sorry... I've been busy though.

Anyway, I just finished adjusting, tweaking and fixing the website for the company I work with. I'm telling you, this was a fucking nightmare. My bosses called me up to tell me on last fucking Friday (2 days ago) that they want to launch the new website on Monday (tomorrow). The website at that point was half-done, the whole thing in a different language was still missing and I had to fix almost all graphics on it. Least to say, yesterday alone I spent 14 bloody hrs straight on this damn thing. I ran into more problems than one and last night I slept 4 hrs or so. All in all, I worked 27.5 hrs on the website since Friday.

Yay, a whole weekend fucked completely and I still have a project for class to turn in tomorrow before 8 AM -__-

God, I wish my bosses would finally realize that I CANNOT work with a deadline only a few days away! The least they could've done was tell me the approximate date for the launch. This has happened so many times before. Their fucking time management is one big pile of dogshit.
icassop: (Default)
Three weeks in and I'm already exhausted, constantly tired, stressed and now I've finally caught a cold. I think my body is telling me subtly that I'm overdoing it. I wonder how I did it a few years ago. It wasn't any more or less work than now.

I just hope my body will get used to being active again.


On a side note, if anyone is interested, I've stalled any scanlation work for GOOC atm because I'm editing stuff for Entropy's upcoming 8th anniversary. Stay tuned for that. We got some good stuff lined up =) Btw, Entropy's main website is down right now because the domain expired and we can't re-buy it apparently. It'll be a few months until the domain is out on the market again. Until then, you can go to http://entropy-manga.info. It's currently redirecting to our emergency blog because there's a problem with linking the actual website to the new domain -.-;
Anyway, after that I'll hopefully be able to do more for GOOC after that.
icassop: (Default)
Classes, commuting, homework, studying, work and not enough sleep.
Commencing breakdown in ... 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

Actually, not yet but soon (◎ω◎)

_ノ乙(、ン、)_ zzZZZ
icassop: (Default)
Tomorrow is my "first" school day! Yay........... Going back to university is a bitch -_-

Today, I started preparing/refreshing my math knowledge. Let's just say it was not a 100% failure (more like 80%) but it will really give me a hard time for the next half a year. Also, suddenly when I don't have much time for shit anymore, the guys from work call me up with more stuff to do. Awesome... I was thinking of joining the get-together with the other students tomorrow but I think I'll pass because I have to finish that work. ARGH!

And once again I'm asking myself: Why the fuck am I making myself go through this shit?! ...Because I'm trying to see if this is something I want to do in life. (And I'm almost sure that I'll quit after the first term.)

Speaking of "what to do in life," I never had a chance to try acting, nor wanted to try it in the first place. But for some mysterious reason, I find myself curious about this "acting" thing now. Maybe I'm finally going mad. Too long alone solely with my thoughts to keep me company. My mind goes to very dark and fucked up places if I don't happen to occupy myself with things. Or my obsession with BC and TH finally inspired me to find a new way to express myself... haha, yeah, no. I must be crazy. Definitely.

How are things going to go if I'm already stressed NOW when I haven't even had any classes yet... I feel like shooting myself atm.

Oh god, this is such a random post. Sorry.
I better go to bed now. Wait-! I haven't done my workout yet. *looks at watch* Hm, still time. Should be able to finish before midnight. Maybe that'll get my mind off things.


P.S.: I'M NOT READY TO BE AN ADULT AND PROBABLY WILL NEVER BE ='<
icassop: (goro)
My little brother, 22, is a little piece of shit.

On the 15th September this year my parents wanted to celebrate their 35th anniversary with us kids. My mom had set this date back in May already and let us all know to keep this date free for it. So what happened? My br-- no, I mean this fucking shit piece dumbass called my parents yesterday evening, telling them he can't make it on that day because - now get this - HE'S GOING ON A FUCKING VACATION with friends, which apparently is more important than spending one fucking day with the parents for their anniversary!

I mean, really?! SERIOUSLY?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Unlike the rest of the fam, he's the extrovert, the "free spirit" if you want to call him that. And I get that, I accept and respect that. But the way he's been treating us family, or rather my parents, is like a punch to the face and a kick to the nether regions. Obviously because they're parents, they weren't happy with some decisions he made, but eventually they let him, even support him with a bit of the little money they have. Instead of showing some respect and gratitude, he opted for a no-show on my parents' anniversary.
Also, my older brother lent him almost up to 2k €. However, instead of paying pack the money, this idiot actually raids his savings account for the vacation. Now even my generous older brother said he won't give him any cash anymore.

I have no more words for this piece of shit. I told him time and time again that he has to stop caring solely about his personal fun time and start handling his finances properly. He has no sense of money and it's not like he even has a stable job to pay for all his partying. All the people he gets help from, he'd kick them to the curb without a blink of an eye.

He's fucking up his life for good. I'd help him if he turned over a new leaf but until then he's on his fucking own.

Can't tell you how angry and disappointed I am.
The 15th is gonna be amazing /sarcasm
icassop: (Default)
Honestly, I have no idea why I thought going back to university was a good idea. Why, why, why...?!
If you read my last rant, you'd think I'd be happy that I got accepted. But now I just think that I must be mad to ever believe that going back to the dreadful studying was the way to go.

Classes start in October and I still need to send out my enrollment application. Studying costs a lot of money. Money that I don't have. And how do I know that I won't fail my classes because of fucking maths... I haven't done anything more than a bit of calcuating prices, percentages and a bit more complex stuff in my online astronomy class in the last SIX YEARS.

*bangs head against wall*
I'm so fucking doomed. Why the heck did I think this is gonna help me. Why, why, why...?!

I wish I were a cat. Do whatever I want, come and go as I please, no responsibilities, no duties. I'm so not fit to be human o|¯|_

Also, the worst thing is that I don't even know what else to do if not going back to uni. A friend asked me that yesterday. He wanted to know what I wanted to do on short term, like the next month. I had no clue. Isn't that pathetic? I have no ambitions, no goal, no reason to live (nah, not gonna think about suicide, don't worry). Wouldn't it be nice to be Patrick from Spongebob? Literally live under a rock, have no money but still be happy as fuck. And you'd be so dumb you wouldn't even realise how pathetic your life is.

...and that shows how fucking lost I am in life. Just like 1.5 years ago. Nothing has changed.
The only commendable thing I have started since then is picking up writing as a new hobby. I may or may not post something here for you to read. It will be f-locked though.

*sighs and crawls back into bed*
icassop: (Default)
Time for a rant again.

SFW but language, mind you )

Whale oil beef hooked. /irish accent
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